• You might orgasm easier because there is no better feeling than freedom to help you cum
• Sex becomes whatever you want it to be, allowing you to explore pleasure without the boundaries of orgasming being a box that has to be ticked.
• You feel more empowered because you decide when you’re satisfied.

When we know our body, we know what we want, and when we’re comfortable, we cum. A study for the Archive of Sexual Behaviour showed that women who are uncomfortable with saying ‘clitoris’ are more likely to fake orgasms. Clearly there’s a connection between feeling awkward talking about your body, and feeling like you have to fake it. Could the answer be saying ‘clitoris’ at least once a day? Beats us, but hey, might be worth a shot.

Peter Jonason, Australian psychologist researched these trends and concluded that, “the common idea that only women fake orgasm is untrue. In fact, when it comes to ‘sexual embellishment’ or ‘quasi-pretending’, it appears that men may actually pretend more than women”.

Jonason, P. K. (2019). Reasons to pretend to orgasm and the mating psychology of those who
endorse them. Personality and Individual Differences, 143, 90–94. doi:10.1016/
j.paid.2019.02.026

Perhaps straight men acting as the receptive partner during anal, is the last sexual frontier.

Exploration has come a long way…

The anal region has numerous nerve endings that can create pleasurable sensations during penetration—regardless of gender. In males, it provides direct access to the ‘male g-spot’, or ‘pspot’… which is located about 2 inches inside the rectum. For females, anal sex can give access to a whole new world of indirect clitoral stimulation.

Therefore, while many straight men cannot fathom receptive anal intercourse, there are definitely those who contemplate, crave and regularly practice it.

And though pegging may seem taboo today, open communication and exploration are key to any healthy sexual relationship. When we talk about sex, urges and curiosities…beautiful things can happen. It’s the very first step in achieving a healthy and fulfilling sexual life.

When we deconstruct traditional gender roles, we’re bound to discover sensations that we’ve never experienced before. For women, the concept of penetrating their male partner puts them in a dominating position, not usually experienced. Oppositely, for heterosexual men, acting as the bottom can feel vulnerable and unlock totally new ways of achieving male orgasm, such as prostate orgasm via anal stimulation. Discovering new things with your partner can bring you closer in your relationship, with improved couple sex and communication.

Using a strap-on to anally penetrate someone, isn’t gender specific—anyone can peg.

Besides, you might like it. <3

(Discover SKYN lubricant and wipes here, to make your experience even more pleasurable.)

If better orgasms aren’t enough of a selling point already, here are a few more benefits that come with peaking.

Peaking helps you have an orgasm. In order to experience more powerful orgasms, you have to be able to climax in the first place. For a lot of women, trying to have an orgasm during sex feels stressful. So much so that only 65% of people with vulvas reach orgasm during heterosexual sex. Building up sexual arousal through peaking and stimulating the clitoris can help women feel more comfortable during intimacy, increasing the chances they’ll have an orgasm.

Peaking makes you last longer. In 1956, the Journal of Sexual Medicine published a paper that introduced the stop-and-start method as a treatment for premature ejaculation. The technique, which is essentially what we now call peaking, helps people with penises control their ejaculation. Research shows that men last an average of 5.4 minutes before climaxing during penetrative sex, while it takes women almost three times as long to come. Practicing peaking with the stop-andstart method can help ensure everyone gets their fill.

Peaking helps close the orgasm gap. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: the orgasm gap is real. Because our culture focuses so much on penetration, many heterosexual women struggle to have an orgasm during sex. But the truth is that only 3 to 10% of women are able to orgasm from penetration alone. These numbers stress the importance of clitoral stimulation for people with vulvas. Trying peaking with your partner can help you figure out what you like and close the orgasm gap in your relationship.

Peaking increases self-awareness and confidence. Body awareness and knowing what works for you and what doesn’t is at the very heart of peaking. By practicing regularly, alone or with a partner, peaking can help you become more in tune with your senses and desires. The more you get to know what makes you tick, the more empowered you will feel and the better you’ll be able to communicate your desires with your partner.

There are many ways to explore peaking, but no matter which one you try, remember that it is not a race.

Everyone’s body is different, but with time and practice you’ll be able to figure out what works for you. In the meantime, here are a few ways to get started.

Go at it solo. The most common method used both by people with vulvas and people with penises is the stop-and-start method. It consists of giving yourself a bit of self-love until you etch closer to orgasm, then stopping for about 30 seconds. If you don’t want to stop completely, you can also slow down your movements or focus your attention elsewhere on your body. You want your levels of sexual arousal to drop significantly without going away completely. Repeat this process until you are ready to climax.

Use sextoys. People with vulvas might benefit from exploring peaking using a toy that comes with a clitoris stimulation component, built specifically to pleasure the female body. Plus, vibrator models with an easily accessible on/off button like the SKYN Vibes Personal Pleasure Vibrating Massager make it easy to stop and start the stimulation.

Do it with a partner. Communication is extremely important when practicing peaking with another person. You need to let the other person know when you have reached your sweet spot and want them to stop. You also want to make it clear when you are ready to orgasm to avoid feeling frustrated that your partner is withholding. During the off moments, ask your partner to shift their focus to other parts of your body like your nipples and your neck

You can practice peaking for as long as you want, but you should be mindful of disappearing orgasms. This phenomenon can feel like you’ve had a half orgasm or that it completely slipped by unnoticed at the end of a peaking session. Disappearing orgasms can happen when you’ve stopped peaking too soon or if you’ve delayed your orgasm for too long. The good news is that the more you practice and get to know your own body, the more you’ll be able to figure out how to avoid disappearing orgasms and achieve the best orgasm possible.

You’re now officially ready to give yourself a bit of self-love and start peaking… just remember to stop every once in a while. <3

(Discover SKYN sextoys here, to make your peaking experience even more pleasurable.)

1 Denes, A., & Afifi, T. D. (2014). Pillow talk and cognitive decision-making processes: Exploring the influence of
orgasm and alcohol on communication after sexual activity. Communication Monographs, 81(3), 333-358.

Use vaginal moisturizers. While lube is used during sex, vaginal moisturizers are applied every day (like body moisturizers) to alleviate the symptoms of vaginal dryness.

Avoid douching. According to health experts, including those at the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), you should not be douching. This practice can increase vaginal dryness and upset your vaginal flora

Go for a brisk walk. Staying active is essential for overall good health, and for sexual health. Not only can a daily brisk walk lift your mood but being in good shape can increase your libido and make you feel more confident when it comes to getting it.

Try yoga or Pilates. Low-impact sports like yoga and Pilates can improve your flexibility which in turn, can lead to you feeling more adventurous when it comes to exploring new positions.

Do Kegels. As we age, the pelvic floor muscles tend to weaken which can cause a variety of health issues for both sexes. A daily Kegel practice can help women strengthen their pelvic floor, and even help men overcome premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction by increasing blood flow to the penis.

Draw yourself a bath. If you’re experiencing body pain or are dealing with arthritis, taking a warm bath before getting intimate can help your muscles relax and help loosen inflammatory chemicals in your joints.

Successfully navigating sex as a couple after 50 starts before you walk into the bedroom

Communicate with your partner. Telling your partner about what you’re comfortable or uncomfortable with as you age will help make sure you’re both on the same page which will make for a more pleasurable experience.

Schedule it. For some couples who have been together for years, sex can often take a back seat in the relationship. Scheduling time for intimacy will ensure it happens, as well as help avoid any frustrations that could arise over time.

Have sex at a different time. If you’re used to having sex with your partner before sleep, try having sex first thing in the morning to switch things up. It’ll give you a totally different outlook on the day ahead.

Take time away from each other. In any relationship, there comes a time when it seems like you know everything about the other person Taking some time apart can help keep your connection alive and infuse your relationship with some much-needed mystery.

Make a sexual bucket list. Write down a list of all the intimate things you and your partner have never tried before but would like to try, then get to work checking them off together. It’s a fun way to continue exploring sex as a couple.

Share some knowledge. If you’ve read an interesting article about sex, whether it’s a technique or something you’d like to try, share it with your partner. That way they’ll have a point of reference and won’t feel like you are criticizing them.

Having sex after 50 doesn’t have to be boring.

Set the mood. If you’re feeling nervous or aren’t comfortable with your partner seeing you naked in broad day light, try mood lighting. Not only will it make you feel more comfortable, but it will also give the room a sensual look.

Take your time. If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness, give yourself enough time to build your arousal and feel sensual. Your body will have more time to produce natural lubrication.

Make foreplay the main event. If you’ve started to experience pain during penetrative sex after menopause, focus on foreplay activities like mutual masturbation and oral sex. It will give you a chance to explore each other’s
desires free of pain.

Give your partner a massage. Too much emphasis is put on penetrative sex in our culture, while touches of all kinds can lead to intense orgasms. Try giving your partner a sensual massage and you might just discover new erogenous zones you didn’t know about.

Try different positions. The more you get to know what works for you and what doesn’t, the more comfortable you will be during sex and the more you will be able to enjoy yourself. Try to make intercourse easy on your joints with lowimpact positions like spooning.

Get on top. If you’re a person with a vagina and experience pain during penetrative sex, getting on top can be beneficial because it will allow you to control the depth of penetration and avoid unnecessary pain.

Use a pillow. There is absolutely no shame in making yourself comfortable. Placing a pillow under your back during missionary can help support you and provide an extra layer of comfort. Plus, the elevated position can help your partner reach certain spots better.

Get to know your inner clitoris. Most people with vulvas don’t know that there is more to the clitoris than the visible part that stick out above the labia. The interior clitoris extends four inches inside your body, wrapping itself around the vaginal canal. Explore different ways to stimulate your inner clitoris, alone or with a partner, and you may discover a whole new world of orgasmic possibilities.

Practice peaking. Also known as edging, peaking is the practice of bringing yourself close to orgasm, stopping for a few moments, and then repeating this stop-and-start pattern until you are ready to orgasm. This technique can lead to longer sex, increased arousal and better orgasms.

Use sex toys. Introducing vibrators and other sex toys into your couple’s sex life can spice up your relationship and help the both of you achieve the big O. At first, consider guiding your partner by telling them how you like your sex toys to be used on your body, then feel free to explore together

Focus on your breath. It’s proven that deep breathing promotes relaxation and releases tension, but it has also been shown that the deeper you breathe, the more intense your orgasms can get.

Laugh. Sex is meant to be fun, so even if you encounter some issues down there, just laugh it off with your partner. Chances are they’re just as nervous about it. Laughter will ease the tension and you’ll both be able to enjoy yourselves better after.

Practice safe sex. It’s not because you’ve entered menopause and can no longer get pregnant that STIs can’t rear their unpleasant heads around. Using condoms and getting tested are great ways to stay safe while getting lucky.

(Discover SKYN sex toys and lubricants here, to enjoy better sex at any age.)

Communication. We already discussed initial consent, but we also don’t see much communication during sex in porn. There is rarely a discussion when there’s a change in position, and sex toys just magically appear

Condoms. Most porn scenes don’t involve condoms, but that doesn’t mean there’s no protection in place. STI testing is a huge part of working in porn—performers are required to get tested every 14 days. We also can’t see if performers are on the pill or have an IUD.

Pubes. Rarely see them.

Vaginismus. An involuntary muscle spasm that prevents vaginal intercourse—sometimes this happens, and can be perfectly normal— but you’ll never see it on-screen.

Erectile Dysfunction. It’s the same with E.D., you’ll never see a man struggling to get hard, not achieving a full erection, or ejaculating prematurely

Period Sex.

Arguments ending in “you’re not getting any”. This would not result in good porn.

Putting in the time for her. 15 minutes for oral sex doesn’t seem to be on the schedule, but putting in the time for your partner should be standard practice IRL

Real pleasure and arousal. Arousal and pleasure can take time and often having some sort of connection with your partner—both of which, porn does not usually show.

Sex toys. Toys like butt plugs for anal prepping and the use of a vibrator during hetero intercourse typically aren’t seen. Basically toys that facilitate the receiving partner’s pleasure for their sake alone aren’t typically shown.

And just in case you needed one final reminder…porn IS NOT real life sex, and shouldn’t be used as a benchmark for “good sex”. There is much more to explore <3.

A recent study in the U.S. found that “10% of young male non-problem drinkers reported having
engaged in nonconsensual condom removal since the age of 14. Men who had engaged in this
behavior reported higher rates of STI diagnoses and partners with unplanned pregnancies than
men who had not engaged in nonconsensual condom removal.”1 In another recent study of
young adult women, “12% reported that they had experienced nonconsensual condom removal
by a male partner, while none of the participants reported engaging in nonconsensual condom
removal themselves”.1

While the majority of stealthing is practiced my men, it needs to also be noted that it is possible
for females to also ‘stealth’ their partners, by removing or damaging the condom without their
partner’s consent.

So, what to do if you are a victim of stealthing?

Many victims report feelings of betrayal and a violation of trust—and most importantly, it is never
the victim’s fault. In 2018, a man was found guilty of sexual assault in Germany’s first conviction
for stealthing; but in neighboring Switzerland, the supreme court disagreed—saying that it was
regretfully, not illegal.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of stealthing and don’t know where to turn,
contact the sexual violence resource center or sexual assault hotline in your country.

In deciding that for myself, I redefined what was important during sex: orgasms,
connection, pleasure, affection, intimacy. And that’s empowering.

Interestingly, as I got older and my first partner and I went separate ways, she eventually slept
with a guy… and in her narrative he was the one who ‘took her virginity’.  That definitely made me
question certain things and feel sort of insignificant in her life, which was shitty. But looking
back, now that I’ve had more experiences with women and some men, it’s even more clear for
me, that she was absolutely the ‘loss of my virginity’.

from what I’ve learned, sex is so much more rewarding when there isn’t a focus on one thing, like penetration or ‘virginity’—and this is true regardless of who you’re having sex with.

Lesbian sex is the most intimate sex I’ve experienced, and if you’re able to ignore the
external, heteronormative ideals of what sex should be—it’s also the most freeing.

Let’s see what they had to say :