Expectation: We’re gonna do it all night.

Reality: You might. And that is perfectly fabulous. However, an all-nighter is probably not 7 or 8 uninterrupted hours of sex. It’s more a big sexual soup of foreplay, interplay and after play. You might hold each other, talk until the sun comes up and then do it all over again. Or you might have long sex. Or content yourselves with mutual oral sex. As long as you and your partner’s needs are being satisfied and what you are doing feels right, there’s no one right way to do this. Stock up on lubes, condoms and – why not – toys, and enjoy!

Expectation: I’m going to want to do it all night. Every time.

Reality: Few people want to get it on the same way every time. Keep an open mind. And be prepared to mix it up. Pleasure is about moments and touch and all the sensations themselves, not a fixed amount of time you have to stroke in order to tick all the “That was hot!” boxes.

Maybe you like to do the do for hours. Or used to. Or don’t at all. There are so many different ways to explore each other that getting hung up on some pre-planned ‘perfect’ amount of time could totally get in the way of what you and your partner(s) actually enjoy. A hilarious but telling Twitter poll asked 819 participants, “Ever get bored during penetrative sex or want it to just be over already?” A whopping 82% of them answered yes thereby proving that stamina isn’t everything. And that asking your partner, “Does this feel good?” should be part of an ongoing convo, even in the thick of things.

Have you ever lingered longer with ‘afterplay’?

As the name suggests, afterplay kicks in but moments after sex. With your bodies still vibing and highly sensitive, it’s the time when physical intimacy is at its peak, perhaps making afterplay one of the most underestimated parts of any couple’s sexy adventures.

Where foreplay gets your blood pumping, afterplay can cement and deepen the connection. Lasting for minutes or stretching long into the night, afterplay is your opportunity to bask in your partner’s glow (and get a little more TLC while you’re at it).

Think of afterplay as a ‘cool down’ – foreplay is the warm up and sex is high intensity training. So when it comes time to wind down, you might like to:

Circle your fingers or nails around on your partner’s back.
Take a bubble bath or long, hot shower together (you could even bring sex toys for good measure).
Spend time kissing or canoodling.

Whatever you decide to do, chances are it’s going to feel amazing because of how sensitive and dialed in you’ll both be after sex. This is backed up by science.

Participants in a 2014 study revealed that when they engage in afterplay their sexual satisfaction increased, which was also found to be very important for couples who had kids1 (because, as you might imagine, physical intimacy can be harder to steal with little ones running around).
Remember: don’t skip afterplay!
Foreplay often leads to great sex and afterplay has the potential to take you to a deeper, more emotionally fulfilling connection. And just like the circle of life, you may even end up right back where you started – enjoying more foreplay…

If more intimacy is on your sexual to do list, it doesn’t have to end with afterplay. Explore SKYN®’s ever evolving range of sex toys and lube to kickstart your next adventure.
 

1Denes, A., & Afifi, T. D. (2014). Pillow talk and cognitive decision-making processes: Exploring the influence of orgasm and alcohol on communication after sexual activity. Communication Monographs, 81(3), 333-358.

For some, this involuntary body and brain reaction can decrease anxiety and help with sleeping issues. However, for others, the arousal is real. It stands to reason that the 2.0 would evolve to include erotic ASMR.

It’s simple, really. If certain sounds, sensations and visual cues get you tingling or experiencing what some refer a ‘braingasm’, using those triggers as a turn on in a sensual or sexual encounter makes sense. If you derive pleasure from it, whether the sound of water running, whispering, ironing (yes, really), crunchy or slurpy eating sounds, someone brushing your hair slowly and methodically, or watching someone else’s hair getting brushed, whatever does it for you, incorporate this audio or visual sex into your box of carnal bliss tricks, whether with a partner – who may have their own sexual ASMR prompts – or when masturbating or partaking in online sex.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/everything-you-need-to-know-about-asmr-sex/articleshow/77432904.cms

https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-youtube-videos-that-will-give-you-asmr-shivers/

1. It’s all about presence.
Talking about your sexual fantasies might not be the kind of conversation that comes up often, or at all. So make sure you have a good idea of what you’d like to put on the table before you sit your partner down to chat. They’ll likely have questions and get curious, so try not to be on the defensive and welcome the discussion with an open heart and clear head.

2. Get cosy, be flirty and have fun
Sharing your secret sexual fantasies doesn’t have to be awkward or feel ‘corporate’. Snuggle up on the couch, relax in a bath together and use it as an opportunity to calm everyone’s nerves so you avoid any hidden triggers. ‘Fun and flirty’ can be your mantra as you talk about inclusive scenarios that you’ve imagined for the two of you. It’s not about dissatisfaction with the status quo either, but about dialing up the desire!
3. But remember: it’s not JUST about you.
There are so many ways your fantasies can be brought to life. Even suggesting you try using sex lubricant might open the door to more possibilities. And while you might know exactly what gets your goat, your partner might not be as forthcoming. You could do a little pre-reading and brush on what fantasies are most common, but the important thing is to…

4. Keep your mind open!
They’re probably feeling just as nervous and vulnerable as you are, so be positive and ditch the judgment – the last thing you’d want is for your partner’s feelings to get hurt in the process.

5. If you’re still anxious, try gamifying it!
Still finding it difficult to open up? Try this: write down your most desired fantasies onto bits of paper and put both yours and your partner’s ideas into a hat. Take turns pulling them out one by one and entertaining them. Who knows, it might turn you on so much that you can’t help but make that fantasy a reality right away.

“Many people like to keep them just as a fantasy but sharing it with your partner and possibly talking about it erotically during sex can really spice things up,” Miranda Christophers, sex and relationship therapist, explains.

So make your next sexcapade a memorable one. Explore SKYN®’s range of condoms, sex lubricant and sex toys for inspiration!