Expectation: We’re gonna do it all night.

Reality: You might. And that is perfectly fabulous. However, an all-nighter is probably not 7 or 8 uninterrupted hours of sex. It’s more a big sexual soup of foreplay, interplay and after play. You might hold each other, talk until the sun comes up and then do it all over again. Or you might have long sex. Or content yourselves with mutual oral sex. As long as you and your partner’s needs are being satisfied and what you are doing feels right, there’s no one right way to do this. Stock up on lubes, condoms and – why not – toys, and enjoy!

Expectation: I’m going to want to do it all night. Every time.

Reality: Few people want to get it on the same way every time. Keep an open mind. And be prepared to mix it up. Pleasure is about moments and touch and all the sensations themselves, not a fixed amount of time you have to stroke in order to tick all the “That was hot!” boxes.

Maybe you like to do the do for hours. Or used to. Or don’t at all. There are so many different ways to explore each other that getting hung up on some pre-planned ‘perfect’ amount of time could totally get in the way of what you and your partner(s) actually enjoy. A hilarious but telling Twitter poll asked 819 participants, “Ever get bored during penetrative sex or want it to just be over already?” A whopping 82% of them answered yes thereby proving that stamina isn’t everything. And that asking your partner, “Does this feel good?” should be part of an ongoing convo, even in the thick of things.

Have you ever lingered longer with ‘afterplay’?

As the name suggests, afterplay kicks in but moments after sex. With your bodies still vibing and highly sensitive, it’s the time when physical intimacy is at its peak, perhaps making afterplay one of the most underestimated parts of any couple’s sexy adventures.

Where foreplay gets your blood pumping, afterplay can cement and deepen the connection. Lasting for minutes or stretching long into the night, afterplay is your opportunity to bask in your partner’s glow (and get a little more TLC while you’re at it).

Think of afterplay as a ‘cool down’ – foreplay is the warm up and sex is high intensity training. So when it comes time to wind down, you might like to:

Circle your fingers or nails around on your partner’s back.
Take a bubble bath or long, hot shower together (you could even bring sex toys for good measure).
Spend time kissing or canoodling.

Whatever you decide to do, chances are it’s going to feel amazing because of how sensitive and dialed in you’ll both be after sex. This is backed up by science.

Participants in a 2014 study revealed that when they engage in afterplay their sexual satisfaction increased, which was also found to be very important for couples who had kids1 (because, as you might imagine, physical intimacy can be harder to steal with little ones running around).
Remember: don’t skip afterplay!
Foreplay often leads to great sex and afterplay has the potential to take you to a deeper, more emotionally fulfilling connection. And just like the circle of life, you may even end up right back where you started – enjoying more foreplay…

If more intimacy is on your sexual to do list, it doesn’t have to end with afterplay. Explore SKYN®’s ever evolving range of sex toys and lube to kickstart your next adventure.
 

1Denes, A., & Afifi, T. D. (2014). Pillow talk and cognitive decision-making processes: Exploring the influence of orgasm and alcohol on communication after sexual activity. Communication Monographs, 81(3), 333-358.

For some, this involuntary body and brain reaction can decrease anxiety and help with sleeping issues. However, for others, the arousal is real. It stands to reason that the 2.0 would evolve to include erotic ASMR.

It’s simple, really. If certain sounds, sensations and visual cues get you tingling or experiencing what some refer a ‘braingasm’, using those triggers as a turn on in a sensual or sexual encounter makes sense. If you derive pleasure from it, whether the sound of water running, whispering, ironing (yes, really), crunchy or slurpy eating sounds, someone brushing your hair slowly and methodically, or watching someone else’s hair getting brushed, whatever does it for you, incorporate this audio or visual sex into your box of carnal bliss tricks, whether with a partner – who may have their own sexual ASMR prompts – or when masturbating or partaking in online sex.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/everything-you-need-to-know-about-asmr-sex/articleshow/77432904.cms

https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-youtube-videos-that-will-give-you-asmr-shivers/

1. It’s all about presence.
Talking about your sexual fantasies might not be the kind of conversation that comes up often, or at all. So make sure you have a good idea of what you’d like to put on the table before you sit your partner down to chat. They’ll likely have questions and get curious, so try not to be on the defensive and welcome the discussion with an open heart and clear head.

2. Get cosy, be flirty and have fun
Sharing your secret sexual fantasies doesn’t have to be awkward or feel ‘corporate’. Snuggle up on the couch, relax in a bath together and use it as an opportunity to calm everyone’s nerves so you avoid any hidden triggers. ‘Fun and flirty’ can be your mantra as you talk about inclusive scenarios that you’ve imagined for the two of you. It’s not about dissatisfaction with the status quo either, but about dialing up the desire!
3. But remember: it’s not JUST about you.
There are so many ways your fantasies can be brought to life. Even suggesting you try using sex lubricant might open the door to more possibilities. And while you might know exactly what gets your goat, your partner might not be as forthcoming. You could do a little pre-reading and brush on what fantasies are most common, but the important thing is to…

4. Keep your mind open!
They’re probably feeling just as nervous and vulnerable as you are, so be positive and ditch the judgment – the last thing you’d want is for your partner’s feelings to get hurt in the process.

5. If you’re still anxious, try gamifying it!
Still finding it difficult to open up? Try this: write down your most desired fantasies onto bits of paper and put both yours and your partner’s ideas into a hat. Take turns pulling them out one by one and entertaining them. Who knows, it might turn you on so much that you can’t help but make that fantasy a reality right away.

“Many people like to keep them just as a fantasy but sharing it with your partner and possibly talking about it erotically during sex can really spice things up,” Miranda Christophers, sex and relationship therapist, explains.

So make your next sexcapade a memorable one. Explore SKYN®’s range of condoms, sex lubricant and sex toys for inspiration!

A recent study in the U.S. found that “10% of young male non-problem drinkers reported having
engaged in nonconsensual condom removal since the age of 14. Men who had engaged in this
behavior reported higher rates of STI diagnoses and partners with unplanned pregnancies than
men who had not engaged in nonconsensual condom removal.”1 In another recent study of
young adult women, “12% reported that they had experienced nonconsensual condom removal
by a male partner, while none of the participants reported engaging in nonconsensual condom
removal themselves”.1

While the majority of stealthing is practiced my men, it needs to also be noted that it is possible
for females to also ‘stealth’ their partners, by removing or damaging the condom without their
partner’s consent.

So, what to do if you are a victim of stealthing?

Many victims report feelings of betrayal and a violation of trust—and most importantly, it is never
the victim’s fault. In 2018, a man was found guilty of sexual assault in Germany’s first conviction
for stealthing; but in neighboring Switzerland, the supreme court disagreed—saying that it was
regretfully, not illegal.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of stealthing and don’t know where to turn,
contact the sexual violence resource center or sexual assault hotline in your country.

In deciding that for myself, I redefined what was important during sex: orgasms,
connection, pleasure, affection, intimacy. And that’s empowering.

Interestingly, as I got older and my first partner and I went separate ways, she eventually slept
with a guy… and in her narrative he was the one who ‘took her virginity’.  That definitely made me
question certain things and feel sort of insignificant in her life, which was shitty. But looking
back, now that I’ve had more experiences with women and some men, it’s even more clear for
me, that she was absolutely the ‘loss of my virginity’.

from what I’ve learned, sex is so much more rewarding when there isn’t a focus on one thing, like penetration or ‘virginity’—and this is true regardless of who you’re having sex with.

Lesbian sex is the most intimate sex I’ve experienced, and if you’re able to ignore the
external, heteronormative ideals of what sex should be—it’s also the most freeing.

Let’s see what they had to say :

Here are 20 questions that prove just how sexy consent can be…

And remember, if your partner isn’t enjoying things as much as you are, stop and find out why—
“No” is a full sentence…and anything other than a “hell yes” means ‘no’.

Q: I just started dating a trans woman and she’s perfect. I’m cis, and I’m a little nervous because we haven’t had sex yet and I don’t know what to expect. Any tips on how I should talk to my partner?

A: Firstly, I think this is great, it’s really how we should approach being with anyone new. And as a trans woman myself, I’m here to say that trans bodies are insanely stigmatized, there aren’t a huge amount of resources about us. Hell, most trans people don’t even know how to begin pleasuring themselves—so kudos to you for taking the first, very important step!

A few tips that I can share right off the bat, is to never make assumptions about a trans person’s genitals. For example, statistics show that most trans men haven’t had reassignment surgery, meaning their genitals most likely do not match their gender identity as a man. So, your partner might have a vagina, but choose to call it something else. It’s super common for trans people to use different, non-gendered words for their genitals, that more closely match their experience. In short— when you don’t assume, everything’s good. Stay open, and follow their lead.

Q. “Keep an open mind, and walk into it with no expectations.” – Jane, 22

A: Hey! (Transgender man’s perspective here). I just wanted to say that it’s really cool that you’re trying to educate yourself. And I absolutely have some tips I’d love to share with the entire cis world when it comes to trans sex, so here it goes:

1. Sex is about so much more than just our genitals. Explore kissing, touching…talk about kinks… it’s about foreplay, increasing intimacy and getting to know your partner… and not necessarily about the fastest way to reach orgasm.

2. Be conscious of the body you inhabit. What I mean by that is, (as a cis person) be aware of how you appear to your trans partner. The words of a cis man, to a trans man, (or a cis woman to a transgender woman) about their genitals (for example), carry a lot of weight. Personally, I was very self-conscious as my body was transitioning; so anything my partner did to make me feel more comfortable during sex, was really appreciated.

3. When in doubt, ask. When get that there are a lot of questions about the transgender body…we ask them to ourselves all the time. Just talk to your partner and don’t assume anything. Gender dysphoria affects us all differently and intercourse can mean different things. Personally, a man touching my dick totally takes me out of the mood. I have some friends where anal sex is a no-go, or can’t when it comes to oral sex. Just ask, and all will be fine.

When in doubt, ask— communication is the lifeblood of great sex. – Anwar, 31

3. You lose your virginity when you have penetrative, vaginal sex with a penis.

This is false.
Virginity is heteronormative, due to the fact that penetrative, vaginal sex is the only legitimized form of sex in our society. This means that the concept of virginity alienates the LGBT community by definition…inherently implying that sex within the LGBT community is ‘less than’ and not as legitimate. Most species engage in homosexual behavior… and yet humans are the only that have yet to fully accept it.

4. It’s better to wait before using sex toys.

Also false!!
Again, tampons, blood and/or fingers can easily pass through the vagina without disrupting the hymen. That being said, some of the best toys for women are made to be used externally—and never need to venture inside the vagina. So grab some lube, and go full speed ahead on your sex toy pursuit…figuring out what you like before getting a partner involved, is a surefire way to make sex with them even better, when the time comes.

5. The concept of virginity perpetuates a cycle of shame

Yep, definitely true.
Purity is a concept…just as virginity is. The two are dangerously intertwined, creating a cycle of shame for vagina owners. Women are taught from a very young age, that ‘purity’ is something sacred to uphold. And how when a female has sex for the first time, it should be painful… there will be bleeding (false and false, by the way). This concept of purity simply does not exist for men. There are endless cultural reasons that contribute to the orgasm gap and this cycle of shame, but they all seem to stem from our cultural denial of female pleasure. Our society judges women for enjoying sex, having casual sex and having multiple sexual partners. And yet, being able to openly communicate with your partner is key to reaching orgasm.