Here are 20 questions that prove just how sexy consent can be…

And remember, if your partner isn’t enjoying things as much as you are, stop and find out why—
“No” is a full sentence…and anything other than a “hell yes” means ‘no’.

As a society, we are coming to terms with the idea that pleasure is an endless exploration. Intimacy is not a caricature — like porn, or movies, or brands would have us think. Real intimacy is poorly-timed, awkward, messy and imperfect… and it’s these imperfections that make it so incredibly exciting.

For the first time we are learning… without judgement, shame, or shyness — to become comfortable with the idea of embracing what we like and exploring it. And becoming less hesitant to say “no” to what we don’t.

Author Erica Garza perfectly sums it up: “Get a vibrator, explore your body, see what you like, don’t be afraid of fantasy, explore your mind, be honest in the bedroom, and don’t fall into the trap of ‘performative sex.’ We might think sex looks a certain way, or a guy will like certain things, but it’s important to be real and honest and not be afraid of being vulnerable about your desires.”

Because nothing is more sexy, than being real ❤

While sensuality and sexuality may be used interchangeably, the two are very different. Sensual experiences do not necessarily have to lead to sexual ones. However, being in tune with your sensuality can heighten your sexual encounters.

Using personal lubricants in the bedroom can present some seriously exciting ways to explore your sensual side. Not only can lube make certain things possible (i.e. anal), it can also offer a huge range of sensations that can bring sexual play to the next level. About 70% of people have already tried incorporating lube into their love life. But before you become one of them — it’s important to have a basic understanding of how it works, when it can come in handy and what different formulas can do.

To start — lube isn’t just a natural lubrication replacement — but rather, a vessel for endless exploration. Men of course, don’t produce any lubrication, and while most females are capable of doing so, it’s not always the case. In addition to making anal sex more comfortable and extending the longevity of marathon sessions, lube can be used in a variety of ways… a true sensuality enhancer.

Here are the most basic types of lube and great ways to use them.

Water-based lubricants

Water-based lube is the most common type of lube. It can be used for pretty much all of your sexual needs: penetration, masturbation and with toys. Water-based lubes are also ideal for sensitive skin and vaginal irritation and it’s the best option to use with condoms.

Pro tip* the fact that it’s water-based makes it the easiest to clean out of sheets and clothes.

“My boyfriend got me a bottle of SKYN Aqua Feel while on a road trip once, so now we just keep it in the car. Anytime we drive somewhere especially beautiful, we both usually feel compelled to use it. It’s a nice way to experience our surroundings in a new way and to create memories together that are just for us” says Jake, 33.

SKYN Excite is more than a water-based lubricant — it’s an orgasmic gel for her. It was specially designed and tested by women to maximize the female sexual experience. “Using SKYN Excite with my girlfriend was so intense…in a good way! You just have to gently massage it onto your clit… it takes a minute to kick in and then WOW… it’s incredible” says Mila, 25.

Silicone-based

Silicone-based lube is slippery, long-lasting, and the best for longer sessions. “At gay play parties, there really aren’t many toys” says James, 22… “there’s lube, there are condoms, there are wipes, but generally, there’s just bodies. What you see is what you get. SKYN All Night Long is the only lube I bring.”

The ingredients in silicone-based lube require less to be applied and less reapplication. It’s also #1 for shower sex and shower masturbating, as the silicone is resistant to water.

Just remember, silicone-based lube shouldn’t be used on silicone sex toys, as it can break down the rubber over time. However, there are many toys that are made from other materials, like hard plastic, glass and steel, so this lube is still great for that!

Oil-based

Oil-based lube provides a slippery feel that stays on longer than water-based lubricant. Oil-based lubes are ideal for masturbation, penetrative unprotected sex and water play. “The best is when my boyfriend starts by giving me a luxurious massage and then eventually it turns into something more. We use our favorite oil-based lube as massage oil and then what’s left for personal lubricant… it’s super convenient” says Camilla, 29.

Oil-based lubricants (or other oil-based products, like coconut oil) should not be used with latex condoms. The oil dissolves the latex of the condom and can cause them to break.

1. The ‘rabbit-style’ vibe

A rabbit vibrator is a combination of an external vibrator and a G-spot toy. Rabbit-style vibrators have an external piece that provides vibration to the clitoris, while a second deeper attachment can go inside for G-spot stimulation. What makes this toy perfect is its versatility. It’s designed to provide maximum pleasure and blended orgasms, but can also be used one way or the other.

The SKYN Vibes Personal Pleasure Vibrating Massager is a great rabbit-style option. This vibe has multiple settings and is perfect for solo-quarantine-play, to safely explore what you like… and then together with a partner.

“The day I taught my boyfriend how I like to use my vibrator was definitely a turning point in our relationship”, says Liana, 32.

You can put on an incredibly sexy show by masturbating with the vibe in front of your partner, while describing what you’re doing. You can also try placing the vibrator in your partner’s hand and then guiding them with yours.

2. The male masturbator

Male masturbators or ‘strokers’ often feature a soft, tube-like space to masturbate into. With all of them pretty much mimicking the feeling of oral/vaginal/anal sex.

The best toys are designed to blend in. The SKYN Stroke Male Self-Pleasure Egg, checks all of these boxes. The egg design is super discrete and can come in handy anytime. It truly couldn’t look less suspicious.

3. Bullet vibes

The beauty of bullet massagers is that they resemble slim tubes of lipstick and are discrete enough that you can bring them and use them anywhere. They’re perhaps the easiest and smallest type of vibrator you can use, and feature one easy on/off switch.

There are three main materials condoms are made from: natural rubber latex, synthetic materials and lambskin (with latex being the most widely-used by producers). However, an increasing number of women and men are turning to non-latex options, as latex can be to blame for rashes and allergic reactions. It all comes down to using what feels right for you. Try out an assorted Selection pack and find what works!

SKYN condoms are the world’s most-sold non-latex condom. This cult status comes down to SKYNFEEL® — a revolutionary material that is noticeably softer and more natural-feeling than regular condoms. SKYN condoms offer the same protection against pregnancy and STIs and they’re manufactured in a facility that doesn’t process latex at all.

Users report SKYN condoms as feeling ‘barely noticeable’ and ‘full of sensitivity’, while remaining safe and suitable for people with an allergy to latex. The brand offers a ton of latex-free options too—from extra lube, larger sizes and flavored.

Here are 6 types of condoms, so you can see what sounds best for you.

SKYN Natural Feel Original Non-Latex Condoms

This is a new generation of condom and loved by many. Made from SKYNFEEL®, a technologically advanced, non-latex material, proven to enhance stimulation. It feels so soft and comfortable that you’ll barely notice wearing it, allowing you and your partner to really feel everything.

It offers a straight fit with ultra smooth no spermicidal lubricant, a smooth texture and 53 mm size with reservoir tip.

SKYN Elite Non-Latex Condoms

This is our thinnest and softest condom, offering everything of the original design, except 20% thinner than SKYN Original. Offering the ultimate natural feeling.

The SKYN Elite is incredibly 20% thinner than SKYN Original! With the same straight fit, ultra smooth no spermicidal lubricant, smooth texture and 53 mm size with reservoir tip.

SKYN Extra Lube Condoms

Lubricant allows you and your partner to extend play. SKYN Extra Lube condoms contain 40% more long-lasting lubricant compared to SKYN Original condoms. These condoms offer the maximum amount of comfort, enhancing your experience. All SKYN condoms are made from SKYNFEEL® material.

SKYN Intense Feel Condoms

Instead of *just* protecting against unwanted pregnancy and STIs, condoms can play more of an active role in offering up interesting sensations. SKYN Intense Feel condoms have a wave design texture with raised dots in all the right places. The dots are placed in the most sensitive areas to maximize stimulation and enhance pleasure.

SKYN Large Non-Latex Condoms

This is the same much-loved condom made from SKYNFEEL® , only larger. It feels so soft and comfortable that you’ll barely notice wearing it, allowing you and your partner to really feel everything.

It offers a straight fit with ultra smooth no spermicidal lubricant, a smooth texture and 56 mm size with reservoir tip.

SKYN Cocktail Flavored Condoms

SKYN Cocktail Club condoms are new non-latex “flavored and scented” condoms, inspired by cocktails. Flavors include Piña Colada, Cherry Sunrise and Passion Daiquiri. The SKYNFEEL® material in this condom lets these fruity flavors really shine—as there is no latex smell to hide.

SKYN Cocktail Club condoms are consistently voted the “Best Flavored Condoms” and they are the only non-latex flavored condoms.

1. Don’t neglect the obvious

“Communication is key. I honestly think there’s nothing sexier than a guy who looks me straight in the eyes and asks me what I want him to do to me.

It sounds kind of obvious (and it really is), but you’d be surprised how rarely that happens. I could never understand why someone would try and guess what feels good for me, when — I’m sitting right there! For me, the best foreplay always starts with a conversation about what turns me on.”

— Ryan, 30

2. Take it slow

“Especially when I haven’t seen my girlfriend in a while, it’s very tempting to just get right to the main event. But what I love even more, is when she’s begging for it. I really take my time when I’m going down on her and love watching her freak out.

The extra attention means that she’s closer to coming, if she hasn’t already. And it’s less pressure on me to last forever. I never have to worry about finishing before she does.”

— Alessandro, 32

3. Ears

“I go crazy when my girlfriend does anything to my ears. Light kisses, nibbling, licking—really anything. And then when she brings it down a little further to the neck— it’s all over. My body’s already in a full spasm.”

— Nicolette, 24

4. Don’t fear the vibe

“I’m going to be honest… I was a little shy about breaking out my vibrator in front of my boyfriend. But once I got over it, I loved driving him crazy while he watched me use it on myself. I also love when he reaches around during sex and holds it against me, but that’s for another article. My all-time favorite is the SKYN Vibes Personal Massager”

— Helena, 67

5. Take it outside

“There’s nothing sexier than a little PDA dragged out over an entire day. Everything from making-out on the street to touching my guy over his pants at the restaurant— is very underrated. One thing he’ll do that makes me insane… is lean in and whisper in my ear how badly he wants me when we’re in a very public place. It pretty much makes me get instantly wet, and really heightens the anticipation until we get home.”

— Sofia, 45

6. Just add water

“I once read that touching your partner’s breasts lowers stress levels by 70% — and I couldn’t agree more. After a long day, my favorite thing is showering together. Especially after a particularly stressful day at work — to just wash the day off, get clean and relax together. And then if it ends up going further, there’s always lube.”

— Nicolas, 27

7. Touch

“The sexiest thing my partner does, is how they take their time touching me. It’s almost like a light tickle up and down my entire body. Once they start stimulating me with their fingers and then it’s all over. The attention alone is such a turn-on and always puts me in the mood, even if I wasn’t to begin with.”

— Rae, 18

8. Feet

“My boyfriend’s hands are so strong, and he gives the best foot rubs. The slower, the better…and I know he likes watching my reactions. It’s the ultimate combination of foreplay and physical therapy.”

— Noa, 33

9. Play with my hair

“Ok, there’s definitely a ‘right’ way to tug on your partner’s hair… but when it’s right, there’s nothing hotter. It’s best when your grip is firm and as close to the root as possible, away from the face. What’s great is that this can really be done at any time – while kissing their neck, whispering in their ear and of course, during sex.”

— Quinn, 45

10. Nips over everything

“I’ll never forget the first time my boyfriend took the bed sheet, held it up to my chest and kissed my nipples through it. The sensation of his lips over the fabric was incredible and now I ask him to do it all the time…”

— Chloé, 21

Let’s be honest, a lot of the things listed above are unavoidable and part of modern life as we know it. However, simply being aware of these factors may help you to make positive changes that could decrease your risk for developing ED down the line.

ED is something no man wants to experience, but the good news is it’s incredibly common, easy to treat and medication is extremely effective in most cases. “Medications can be lifesavers… often, these medications can help break the vicious cycle between ED and the negative emotions that ED produces”, says Dr. Snyder.

If some form of erectile dysfunction happens to you, don’t ignore the signs. If you’re interested in exploring treatment options for ED, please contact a licensed physician who will evaluate your needs and medical history to prescribe the most suitable option for you.

And the adult industry concurs. “Porn is not a how-to guide” urge porn stars Stoya and Dale Cooper. “All sex education can’t be thrown on porn…but at the same time, porn could play a bigger role — instead of just focusing on penetration” Cooper says.

Stoya adds, “[porn] is bluntly superficial entertainment that caters to one of the most basic human desires. Pornography exists and is not going to go away anytime in the near future. I see it as neither inherently empowering nor disempowering. Showing up on set and doing my job is not an act of feminism…my politics and I are feminist… But my job is not.”

In her own words, Stoya states, “I use my body to make gender-binary-heterosexual-oriented pornography for a production company that aims to have as much mass appeal as possible”. In other words, porn is “just a job” for both Stoya and Cooper…however — it does make porn stars pretty much experts on the difference between sex and true intimacy.

Here are 5 pieces of advice from porn stars for increased intimacy.

1. Consent

“One of the most problematic things that porn doesn’t show, is what consent looks like and how important communicating is with your partner, before and during sex. It’s something that’s as important at-home, as it is while filming.

As performers, we’re usually handed a 20 page contract that says, ‘Here’s payment info. Here’s what you’re doing. Do you consent to this?’ many times. There are also constant check-ins between performers and directors, it’s really supposed to be an open dialogue.

Simply having a conversation about what sexual partners want and don’t want is the best way to increase desire and improve the scene. In my personal life, it’s the same case. There’s nothing that turns me on more than someone who asks me what I want.”

2. Don’t skip foreplay

“I’m a huge believer that foreplay can truly be better than sex. I also treat every interaction with my partner as foreplay.

From texting, to dinner, to how we speak and look at one another in public — every action forms a connection, and every action has the power to make the sex that much better.

Everything is foreplay — it’s really that simple. It’s also always a good idea to brush up on tips and techniques for mind-blowing foreplay — thank me later! :)”

3. Being selfish is never sexy

“Most women can’t come from penetration alone, this is a myth. I repeat —

THIS. IS. A. MYTH.

Make sure to go down on your partner and get her off, she wants to cum as badly as you do. And if for some reason you bust too soon… come back and finish her off! No one likes to be blue-balled — especially not me! Try using a clitoral vibrator while you’re penetrating her too, I recommend the SKYN Vibes personal massager… I’m obsessed.”

4. Lube and wipes are your friends

“For anal, we usually use SKYN All Night Long Lubricant or organic coconut oil*…and intimate cleansing wipes are a game-changer”

5. Be safe, get tested!

“Using protection, getting tested and wearing condoms is essential for porn stars. It’s something the industry as a whole does amazingly well, and I think it’s something we could really educate more people about—it’s so important. Incredible sex is always safe sex.”

*Using coconut oil as lubricant is damaging to condoms.

So — if lesbian women and masturbating women are having more orgasms than women when they have sex with men… what’s causing this gendered gap in heterosexual sex?

Though it could appear that penile involvement is to blame — the orgasm gap is a cultural problem.

Here are just a few reasons why the orgasm gap is as complex as it is cultural.

In an interview with Cosmo, Nicki Minaj made explained that she demands orgasms from her sexual partners. She also explained that she teaches her friends how to demand (and receive) orgasms from their male partners too: “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that. I have a friend who’s never had an orgasm in her life. In her life! That hurts my heart. It’s cuckoo to me.”

Closing the orgasm gap

Closing the orgasm gap comes down to education, clitoral knowledge, and the willingness to apply that knowledge.

To close the orgasm gap, we have to hold clitoral stimulation and penetration as equal. Most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and not penetration alone. Both women and men must understand this and really apply this knowledge.

Because when it comes to the orgasm gap, the work is far from over — not just in raising awareness of it’s existence — but in exploring the deep and complex reasons as to why it’s so difficult for women to ask for and receive orgasms. We must give people the tools they need to explore their own sexual pleasure, and the confidence to communicate that with their partners.

Adding toys into the mix can be a fantastic way to show your partner exactly what works for you and to increase your level of intimacy. Normalizing and using vibes is a simple way to begin closing the gap; vibes are a great addition to foreplay and can be used externally during penetrative sex.

Closing the orgasm gap may be a long and winding road… but one thing’s for sure: pleasure is an endless exploration.