When penetration isn’t the star of the show, and society is telling us something else… we must
decide for ourselves whether we are ‘virgins’ anymore (or if it even matters).
For me, when I had my first orgasm with my partner at 17, I decided that I was no longer a
virgin, and that was that. It didn’t feel revolutionary at the time, but I guess in a way, it was.
In deciding that for myself, I redefined what was important during sex: orgasms,
connection, pleasure, affection, intimacy. And that’s empowering.
Interestingly, as I got older and my first partner and I went separate ways, she eventually slept
with a guy… and in her narrative he was the one who ‘took her virginity’. That definitely made me
question certain things and feel sort of insignificant in her life, which was shitty. But looking
back, now that I’ve had more experiences with women and some men, it’s even more clear for
me, that she was absolutely the ‘loss of my virginity’.
It’s also kind of cool in a way that there’s not the same momentous significance to first time
lesbian sex. It’s very freeing, because I only considered it to be my ‘virginity’ in retrospect…and
not in the moment. Which allowed both of us to just focus on each other’s pleasure and not
anything else.
from what I’ve learned, sex is so much more rewarding when there isn’t a focus on one thing, like penetration or ‘virginity’—and this is true regardless of who you’re having sex with.
Lesbian sex is the most intimate sex I’ve experienced, and if you’re able to ignore the
external, heteronormative ideals of what sex should be—it’s also the most freeing.
